2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
