Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
