the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
