..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
