I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
