I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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