Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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