shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
