Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
