GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
