just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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