Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
