he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
