even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
