I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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