im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
