I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
