dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
