I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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