I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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