wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
