We won't sleep together?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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