I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
