the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
