Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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