well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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