I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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