It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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