the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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