There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
