so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
