I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drake has all the answers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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