Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
