yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
