Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
