i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
