i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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