Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
