Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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