I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's shark week go big or go home
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
