My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
