just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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