im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
