Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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