After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
