You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
