Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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