It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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