Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
two words...techno handjob
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
