I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
