You just made me feel so damn special
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
