thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
