there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
