I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
